McCrystal MORNING UPDATE

Will President Obama fire General McCrystal?

Sources tell us that Obama will announce today a 2 billion dollar tax-payer funded expansion of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” which will now expand restricted repartee beyond sexual preference into journalistic encounters. Called “Operation Bambi”, this new initiative will include not only extensive conversational retraining but also call for the standard issue of plastic wristbands to all serving in the Armed forces and to any embedded civilian journalists. These taxpayer-funded wristbands will bear the Disney motto “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all.”

Obama will also impose a six month moratorium on press access to anyone who works for him until he is assured that his administration can proceed safely. We are assured that until polls show the public perception of his gushing incompetence slowing, all access will be terminated.

Furthermore a new search committee will be formed today to deal with the shortage of Nobel Prize winners available to consult with Obama in wars and crisis situations. The fear is,that if this situation is not corrected in the very near future, Obama may be forced to actually meet with the NON-Nobel Prize winners that HE PUTS IN CHARGE of those disasters and armed conflicts. A source close to the President tells us that since Obama has the telepathic power to know exactly WHAT those boots on the ground will tell him, he prefers the diversity of rapping with those who have never left their ivy-covered offices.

AS for General McCrystal, Obama will announce today that, rather than fire the General, McCrystal will now only be Commander in Afghanistan on alternating Tuesdays and Thursdays but will definitely will be relieved of his command some July next year or the other. A undisclosed high-ranking veteran of the SEIU military wing that led the impressive assault of the home of a 13 year old Banker’s child is being considered for the Alternative command position being created.

Please check back to ST MARYS MEAD for as more breaking developments as they occur , depending on the President’s tee time today.

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One Response

  1. Joe Bite me!

    Was there ever a better name for a politician?

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